Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
