Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
