We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
