oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
