So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
