Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
