I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
