Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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