I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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