it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
