we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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