i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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