We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
