If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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