I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize