Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
