I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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