I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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