i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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