Porn is love you can see.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
