Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
