Cold hands, warm shart.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
