I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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