Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
