ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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