Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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