All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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