Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
