Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
