Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
