I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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