i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
