People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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