She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
