My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
