I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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