i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize