does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
