i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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