So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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