I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
