a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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