this boner is exhausting
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
