just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
