He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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