we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
