the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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