I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
