Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
