My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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