Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize