Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
