"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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