why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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