You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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