You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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