I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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