Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
