I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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