i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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