Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
