i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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