mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
