Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
